Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Day 135. No Dosh Josh


Skyrim Tim and Tissue Pile Niall finally found their ally, an old friend of theirs. But he was no longer the man they remembered. He had transformed into a hideous distortion of himself. After university No Dosh Josh went to live in London, the rent prices so high that he literally never had any money for himself. He had also made the mistake before Uni of promising himself to get a six pack before the three years were up... he had failed. Obsessed with reaching his goal he underwent paid medical steroid trials, on top of going to the gym twice a day, the side effects of the untested drugs warping his appearance. He got so large and tense that he was unable to pull the syringes out of his back and the residue of the steroids pumped into him constantly, forever bloating the left side of his body and leaving the right side shriveled in comparison.

The two heroes found No Dosh Josh doing what he always did... doing Jebbend Jack's washing up, the remnants from his reign of tyranny still floating in the Thames. At first he was skeptical of helping them defeat Loose-cannon Liam but upon hearing the Fifa killer had decided to skip leg day at the gym, he knew he had to put Liam down for his own good, better that than face the embarrassment of bitching out. The three traveled back to Heathwood Road and the ultimate show down began. After two months of epic, unexplainable, earth shattering battle No Dosh Josh, skateboard in hand, slew Loose-cannon Liam with a swift crack to the back of the head. 

Upset that he didnt get the kill Skyrim Tim yelled "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!". Tissue Pile Niall was upset too considering he came very close to crushing Liam under a mountain of nose-blowing tissues (that's right, tissue for blowing the nose, nothing else... just had to clear that up........ pun unintended?). No Dosh Josh was just angry because of all the steroids and quickly the three heroes turned on each other! After two more months of battle the left side of No Dosh Josh's body exploded, destroying all of Bournemouth and the three heroes to boot. 

Only one survivor crawled out of the rubble. Jebbend Jack had survived!! It turns out Loose-cannon Liam never delivered the fatal blow and Jebbend Jack had bided his time, waiting for all the other Heathwood supers to destroy themselves. Now the world was his to ruin!!!!!





....... Thankfully, two weeks later, he died from running down the stairs too fast and falling down them

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